Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
