just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
