I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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