Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The uberlube is also flammable
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
