Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
