I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
