My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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