Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
now i know why i became what i already was.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize