I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
