i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
