thus making me awesome and them whores
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
