420 ftw
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
