come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Never joke about your clitoris.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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