i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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