I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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