respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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