I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
third nipple confirmed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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