I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
