You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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