I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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