i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
only if we run a train.
done.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
