You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I need water and some morals
Randomize
