I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
