I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
