i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
