She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
