i just sent this text using only my big toe
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
