Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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