Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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