we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
