Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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