i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
