ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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