There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
