I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
