is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
