dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
