Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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