we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
