Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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