I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
