Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
how does that bad decision feel?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
