my vag is so smooth its legendary
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
