If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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