ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
