All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
