I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize