I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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