I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
