Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize