She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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