i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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