If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
