We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
