she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
