Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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