I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
