hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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