Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
