VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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