I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
