Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize