just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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