In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
