I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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