Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
