Screwed.edu
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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