You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This can only be settled by a dance off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
