your parents love me but you hate me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
