it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
