I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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