There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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