she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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