no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
