we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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