Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
