You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
