I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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